Jacky Ralph Amos

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i wish we could meet one another some day i would love to share a day with you you are my biggest rock that keeps me anchored i know why your family cherishes you you are one of uor lords special people and he does have a specail place for you

Hi Janice~ I hope all is well with you!! Thank you for lighting a candle. I have had some computer problems that I have had to deal with, but I am up and running now.

I have also been dealing with reading a lot of Drs. records concerning the recorded minutes of Luis' death and that has really taken a toll on my emotions. It has been real hard to deal with.

I know you have been thinking of me I could feel it. For the last week I have just curled up in my own shell. I need a break!! A break from a lot of things, but it is impossible right now. With court coming up and having to relive alot of the pain, it is just really exhausting.

You have been in my thoughts and prayers as well.  You and your family continue to be in them. Thank  you for all your support!!                                                                                                        

 

Vivian

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glitter-graphics.com we are in rough water right now autopsy back and it is undetermined no cause but we know not natural i can hardly breathe janice i feel so empty i was making progress and now i just feel so terrible the worst i do not know what i expected i just know it was not this i pray on a daily but i do not feel any comfort is because i do not want to do i want to feel MICAH'S PAIN SOME HOW OR AM I JUST THAT ASHAMED OF MYSELF GOTTA GO TO WORK WRITE ME SOON I'VE MISSED YOU

Hello Janice~How are things with you today? Whewww!! It has been a day for me! I have been paying Luis' site by the month and forgot to pay. This morning got to work and saw that it had been stopped. I paid for another month, oh around lunch and it is still not on. I sent the support an email about 15 min. ago. It is now 1:18 AM on Thurs Morning. I changed my password on the computer last night and well today I could not remember it for nothing! I still think my brain is as young as I look.

LOL, so that meant after about 4 hours trying to remember, I had to reboot the hard drive. Oh I wanted to cry! Now I have to get all saved back in!

 

I never really realized how much time I actually stay on this website. It has

 been driving me crazy to get my PC going again. Really for me I don't have to leave to visit Luis. I have his ashes beside me on my dresser.

 

One weekend we need to get together if possible, but we will talk more about that later. I have to be at work at 8 in the AM. Hopefully Luis' site will be up tomorrow, as for now Janice I have to get some rest! Good night to you and Jacky! Come on Luis, it is time for bed See you shortly in my dreams! 

Thank you Janice, thank you! You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers everday! Please forgive me for not writing back sooner, so many anniversaries are coming up and I am trying to stay strong. This Friday 4/25 my youngest daughter Xochill has a birthday. She loved Luis more than her biological dad (which she sees all the time) as for Luis that was his baby girl. She asked me if for her birthday could I send her to Heaven to spend the day with Luis. Just looking at her sad face everyday breaks my heart even more!! In May is mine and Luis' 4 year anniversary. I feel so cheated in life. All I ever asked Jesus for in life was to loved. Luis never was able to really love me until Jan. 2007 and  those 10 short months just made all the emptiness with the passing of Luis consume my soul deeper for now not just love, but the wholeness only Luis can fill. Luis the LOVE OF MY LIFE!

I know one thing is for certain. The last 10 months of Luis' life were his happiest. I, along with the kids did without and sacrificed so I could pay his Dr. bills and buy his meds. The kids never onced complained,  GOD love my kids! Luis meant the world to them as well!    And now here I am trying to pick up all the shattered, broken pieces that are laying around me and the pieces just want connect. It is hard to help my kids with their grief when I can't even deal with my own.

 

The not really planned birthday party sounded like everthing went nice. I like the idea about the balloons. I talked with the kids and they said that would be nice when it comes to Luis' B-day.

 

You mentioned that soon you will be going to trial over all that happened. You are an amazing women Janice. You are so strong in your FAITH and Jesus has really blessed you! John 10:10~ Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but I Jesus Christ hath come that you may have life, and life in abundance.

I might not be real strong right now, but I refuse to let Satan win.  Ephesians 4:1-6  Thank you for being my true Christian Sister. For not even knowing me, but being here when I  have needed someone the most!!

glitter-graphics.com YOU HAD GOD AND THE MOTHER HE GAVE YOU WAS ONE OF THE BEST YOU WERE TRULLY BLESSED

Hi Janice~ Hope all is well with you and your family!! Since your last letter, I am doing somewhat better! You have helped me some some things with a different perspective.

 

Every since Luis passed, I have been so full of hate. A raging hate that never in my life I have experienced. To me it has been everybody's fault, because everybody we know deserted us when he got sick. For 3 years it was me and the kids, but now I see it just made ME and my KIDS better people. I do not dwell on what the other people did not do! I know I gave my best and my higher power knows my heart and knows what I did and what I went through. The day Luis died all I had was the kids and the nurses and doctors and I had Jesus. I have just been to blind to realize he has always been there.

 

After Luis died I quit going to church, well I would go every now and then, but not like before. I have started back and I have felt somewhat better. We had his funeral at church and the hard part for me is when I walk in I see the whole set up from the funeral and I close my eyes take a deep breath and I tell the devil to get out of my mind cause Luis is in Heaven no matter what he wants me to think. I have always been strong in my faith! I refuse to sit back after all I have been through and let the devil win now!

 

I want to say thank you for being here for me!!! You have been on my mind for the last week. I hope you are doing good. They say the first birthday and the first anniversary after a loved one passes are the hardest  to get through. I have been praying for you everyday and I will continue to do so. You are Heaven sent. Thank you so much for being here. It gets so hard when there is no other adult conversation!! Just having someone to talk to, that knows how living after a loss like we have experienced helps. Thank you My prayers are with you and your family............

I read your email this morning(yesterday) while I was at work. I have walked around in a daze since then. A lot of things and I mean a lot of things happened in the 9 weeks in the hospital before he past. Many people thought I was crazy till they were witness to the many miracles that GOD blessed me and Luis with in that time.  I have never met anyone else that has been blessed to see a miracle from above happen before there very eyes!

I know GOD has a purpose for every one in life. I know mine and Luis meeting was not just a chance happen. Same goes for us talking. GOD needed someone to lead Luis to him that would not turn there back on him. Being a caretaker is not a walk in the park by no means! I showed him how faith in GOD worked. GOD used my hands to help Luis get through the pain. Luis was so weak and in so much pain one day so I asked him if he believed and had faith. He said yes and I told him to close his eyes and start praying wtih me. As we were praying I placed my hands upon his body and and told GOD in the faith that he had in Jesus  to take the pain from him. The pain left immediately. As long as I had my hands on him he did not hurt. Me and the girls everyday, before work/school, after work/school up at the hospital we would pray, annoint him with oils, sing him his favorite hymns, read the Bible, we had our choir come up there, our teen group came and brought flowers and Luis told them to never take life for granted. And also told them that when you love someone you never leave there side. That when you feel weak and tired just pray to the Lord and he will get you through! 2 weeks before he passed he was looking up at the ceiling, smiling and talking. I looked at him and asked him who he was talking to. He said his dad and his friend and Jesus. I knew it was getting close. 5 days before he passed he told me that he wanted me to give all his clothes to my son. I asked him are you sure you want need them? He smiled and shook his head, looked up at me and just smiled. He knew and he was preparing, I just wish I would have been there when he passed One minute too late. I remember when I walked in the room, he had the toy dog that I got him in his arms. He had the most peacelful look on his face with a smile. The nurse said that he asked for something and when she turned around to give it to him he had passed.

Janice, tell me something? I know my faith and I know God knows what is best for us. Is it still normal for me to feel so mad, confused, hurt, let down,....etc? My hair is falling out and I feel so overwhelmed with just everyhing. This whole time I have done this by myself. People said in time it will be easier. For me time is hurting worse. Is this normal?

ONE SWEET DAY WE WILL BE WITH THEM AGAIN AND THAT IS WHEN OUR ETERNITY WILL TRUELY BEGIN!! AWESOME!!! Don't you think?

 

I will be praying for you and your family as well!!

 

Vivian