Jacky Ralph Amos

realize we were at the exact sometime writing a candle to micah that we were talking to each other at the exact same time mama this means something that we were that close in thought at that moment you are trully connect to me some how my friend it is 11;39 i kansas city right now i do not even know where you live

but i love you 

as i do everyday but today i ask god to do more than guide me i ask him to show me away to live to stay the person i was not not that i have become i can not leave my house unless it is for work when i leave i panic so. i try to go be happy for Makayla but there is no where that i go that i do not see my grandchildren and daughter we did so much for doing so little i want to love again i want to laugh a real laugh . i feel guilty for these thoughts because i know that Angela is suffering so and baby De' is like his brothers twin i remember the day he was born i was in the room for the C section and when i saw his face i said damn another Micah i want to feel some kind of relief i pray that god will show me this Micah said nana do ya hare me i said yes i hare you boy and laughed he said nana Micah stay with you and i said okay his mom said no Micah said -----hurt Micah------mean to Micah his mom said no his not i said watch and see whats wrong something is not right his mom said he just wants to stay here with his gifts and i never saw Micah again i later found out Micah had told two of my son's on thanksgiving when===== was at my house that he was mean to Micah god i should have done something to keep him with me dec 26th when they left my house my grandson was asking for help i did not do my job as his nana will he forgive me does he know that i truelly did not know that he was scared

glitter-graphics.com

http://sl.glitter-graphics.net/pub/1054/1054906zg9l6l2wgz.jpg you are my friend the person i think of on a daily when my heart breaks my mind wanders some where i do not understand you are the one i think of when i think of our guys and get past the thought you lift me up teach me about god but you let me be mad sad and just over whelmed most of the time and i am so sorry for your lose i am gratful for your strenght you get so many people threw there sorrow everyday i love you my friend one day i need to tell you about dec 26th then you might better understand i have a hard time putting it on the site

You are at a new level of life, yes Nana, because God works the good from the bad.  Your momentary compassion is now becoming a REAL passion, not simply a job.  (I hope that I'm hearing God correctly.)  You are NOT being punished for Micah's death, but his death will be for the good, (scripture, good will be worked from the bad if we just seek God), and with the job that you do, you can be sooo much use to God.

 

Just days ago, I watched the 700'club, and watched these guys give words of knowledge on healing and what'have'you's.  Often, I have prayed to God that I "wished" that I could do THAT!  Send words of knowledge to folks...

 

Well....tonight, as I read your last condolence, he instantly put it into my spirit that you are so full of guilt where Micah is concerned, and concerning his death.  He begged you for what, I don't know, Micah did.  You could't deliver, maybe because  work related, time related...maybe simply family related.  Or maybe you simply chose not to deliver for (you think) reasons of your own...

 

I don't know.

 

All that I know is that God wants you to let go of the guilt, any guilt, because it is obvious that you have (tried) to give it over to him so many times.  GIVE it to him this one final time, and let him work all of this bad into good.  Let him allow you to be SOMEBODY to soo many people that depend on you.  You are blessed with a job that is REALLY a calling from God.  You are getting into shape to really help people.  Use it, don't be saddened by it.  (Make Micah smile at the good reports).  Even seemingly bad reports will be good reports.  (My thought on this note, my daddy for example).

 

I can't quite understand why your Angie is so apart from you.  Is it because of you, and the fact that you can't stand to be around/have around those that are sooo tooo important to you, because of memories?  I doubt it.  I think that it may be the other way around.  Faith as the size of a mustard seed.  Lady, don't sweat it, just stand on that PROMISE!  (Ever seen the size of a mustard seed?  Ever saw it grow up?)  Ask God to move that mountain for you, and smile every inch that it does grow, moving your mountain into the sea.

 

It takes time, but God has a sense of humor.  He can cause you to giggle along the way.

 

I'm writing this to you this time in Jacky's memorial site, because I'm not quite sure....just dunno if I/or you are steppin' on toes in Micah's site.

 

Love you, Lady.  Yesss....you are being lifted up a notch.  DON'T resist it, that notion.  Micah got a major lift>>><<Jacky too.  Let's us enjoy our mini'lifts.

i read your words they are so much more knowledgeable than mine in gods word and i trully try to put it all in gods hands but i have the feelings of so much lose micah for eternity and then angela and baby de' i have no choice in this for micah i just can not be around another person that is in their lives micah begged me and i did nothing janice i am a nurse in a LAC long term accute care hospital this is not a nursing home  god will show you the way as long as they can help is one thing but when they are just sustaining life and if they stopped he would go to god then is your time to step in families have a hard time with this but i watch people suffer everyday because their family can not let go i am on the als team for codes and we bring people back and somtimes that is such a joy and others we walk out saying god why won't they let them go i know because i still can not let go of micah but he did not have to linger on forever i do thank god for that its one thing i can not understand if at every turn it just gets worse for someone that is not healthy it just becomes time and you will know your dad will tell you when he is tired and ready to meet his lord and when he does just listen to your lord and he will show you and guide you threw i deal with life and death everyday of my life and it is hard when micah died and i was at work i would cry most of my day the first code after micah i prayed silently in my head the whole time for god to get me threw this then a few days later i stood in a room full of pain with a family that had made the choice to take the vent off there mother with the father there they surronded the bed RT removed the vent and they began to pray they were of spanish culture while each one said goodbye they all kept praying and i was in the room from begining to end and i started to pray silently in my head for peace for the family as she left this earthly world she smiled a sweet almost glowing smile her family chanted prayed laid hands and others sang they kissed they loved their mom till she was gone as i was able to clear the room and went to get what i needed to prepare their loved one i watched or noticed for the first time each person as they were coming down the halls some against the walls some melted to the floor others falling weeping and i returned to the room to prepare for the morgue to recieve this kind woman she still had a glowing smile on her face clutching the cross her son had placed in her hand as i left the room and went out side to breathe and cry myself the pain was still all around family showing up that was to late people trying to make it to there cars and not enough strength to get there the family still calls me and comes to see me these are the thing i see i have done this job for 30 years but not until Micah did i trully understand the overwhelming pain that they feel it makes my job harder now i always had felt compassion i always was gentle and kind but when it was over i would just go on not until now did each moment become so noticable to me now i dream and everyone in my dreams are gone and in 30 years there have been many and i now remember everyone does that seem strange i think this somehow comes from god its like i am at a new level of life janice i am so glad you are my friend please after you read this edit and delete it might make someone sad