Jacky Ralph Amos

mama they have no need to ask of your siblings and you tell them they are there for papa not for your family history or background of upsets that is someone being nosey not helpful you run gun shot on them they are there for your dads comfort they should keep enough pain meds in him that he will feel no pain at all quite music and and keep his body clean and comfortable they should be there 24/7 but

when you want to talk to your dad sing read the good book you can ask for them to leave the room listen to the song by Marvin Sapp never would have made it janice that is the song you need right now my angela sent it to me i pass it to you love all your family for their reasons are their own you can not walk thier path just your own not everyone can deal with the pain of losing anyone now you will survive 2 in a year and for that i pray for you janice for the sister that is kinda odd i believe there is a specail place[ plan] by god for them i believe these are god,s specail people so if you find the oppurtunity to help as a sister and a believer in our lord take it and do your best i do not know how big GOD has made your plate but i'm sure it is running over about now but he will not let anything fall from it he will be there for you all the way you saved my family by teaching me the forginess of God you probably saved my life just by being on the other end of this computer somewhere                 

Sons hold a special bond

That nothing can replace

Their smiles can chase the blues away

And brighten up a face.

 

Joys we’ve known, a special day

Shared between us two

Secret talks and peaceful walks

Just to name a few.

 

Times of reminiscing

The day you learned to crawl

Looking through the photos

I’ve always kept them all.

 

But one sad day,

tore my world in two

 

 

The precious boy, I loved so much

Was quickly leaving me

So many things we might have known

Will never come to be.

 

Thoughts of him are everywhere

I cannot let him go

But somewhere up in heaven

A star does softly glow.

 

He sees a Joy unknown to me

His face is full of Light

They walk into the Promised Land

God holds his hand so tight.

 

Just as the shifting sands of time

Flows gently out to sea

Here today and gone tomorrow

My child has been set free

 

i send this to you it is mine i sent it to angela as will janice pray harder today you need to be able to tell your dad to let go and rest that it is okay ask him what he needs to move on sometimes people wait for somthig they feel they need before they can take the journey a family called me one time in the middle of the night their Mother was waiting to see me when i got there she held my hand kissed my cheek and with that kiss she smile and went to sleep with her journey starting right then they still call me to this day they have nothing really to say but thank you  for coming so she could rest your pain is great but his destress is greater than any pain any of us can feel trying to hold on to you not this world trying to see your face to remember thinking he will not see you again  my friend i love you i think of you everyday i miss you when i do not see your words NaNa prays for you 

Hi Janice.  I wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you and Jacky.  And to thank you for lighting the candles on Matt's site.  I know you know how much it means.  I will tell you though, I don't have the forgiveness that you have.  I seriously doubt I ever will.  I know people say that you forgive for youself but it just not going to happen for me.  I don't know how you do it.  I admire that you can.  I don't even want to.  The drunk driver that killed Matt has no remorse whatsoever.  He could care less that he took a life.  He is playing the judicial system for everything it is worth.  Which doesn't seem to be much right now.  He is behind bars and has been since a month after killing Matt since he was going to flee the country; for over a year a half now he has been in jail awaiting trial but he is working the system so that he lives a lot of his future sentence out in jail as opposed to prison - since he will get credit for time served.  He first pled not guilty and demanded a jury trial.  Then he pled non-competent to stand trial. He was found competent.  A jury trial date was set for Sept 15, 2008.  A week before the trial was set to begin he changed his plea to guilty and was throwing himself on the mercy of the court. A hearing date to change his plea was set for Sept 12th.  On Sept 11th he changed his plea back to not guilty.  This was all done so he could delay everything.  Delay going to prison.  Jail is bad - prison much, much worse.  And they allow it. They allow these games.  Even though the judge said at the last hearing he would allow absolutely no more delays.  Matt is inconsequential in all of this. His name doesn't even appear on the paperwork.  Gomez has an asst public defender who honestly is almost as disgusting as him.  I have no sympathy for him, no forgiveness whatsoever.  I speak at schools and colleges to the students about drunk driving, tell Matt's story.  I tell them that it is never an accident.  I tell them that when someone kills another person as the result of driving intoxicated it is premediated.  They made the choice to get behind the wheel under the influence, made the choice to make their car a deadly weapon with no regard for anyone on the road.  They played Russian roulette with everyone on the road as they did each and every time they got behind the wheel of their car intoxicated.  When they kill or seriously injure someone they succeeded in what they knew that had the ability to do. It was not an accident.  It is a violent crime.  It was not unintentional.  They had choices.  And they chose to make their car a weapon.  My son was the victim of one of these criminals.  Your son was another victim.  There are over 12,000 victims a year of this violent crime.  So many people in our society still look at it as the "oops crime".  So many judges do too.  It's not.  I am so angry, Janice.  I put a mask on most of the time for the public because that is what they want to see but Matthew knows different. I do believe that Matthew most likely forgives his killer.  I believe that most likely Jacky forgives his killer.  But, I also strongly believe that they also want justice to be served. That they want these two guys to pay for what they did.  Yes, they will pay in others ways when they die but they still have a price to pay here and now.  The fact that Jacky's killer is still walking the streets is wrong.  I know it is not unusual in these type of cases but nonetheless it is wrong.  And is dangerous for so many others.  I admire you, Janice.  I admire your faith and your compassion. I hope our boys are having a good time together.  I wish they didn't have to meet yet and I know you wish the same but I know Matt has an amazing friend in Jacky.  And visa-versa.

With love,

Connie

are with your family always god will walk with you my site is private now there was a little to much hate coming thru gm_9258@yahoo.com send me yours so i can send you the password

hard can not explain this day it is the worst

do i stay busy so i do not lose the good sense god has given me

i need to go to the cemetery but i have found it very hard to leave once i get there

i have feelings that i can not explain the mad that i had gotten rid of is here today

 how do you say goodbye when it's a birthday

 then the day he enjoyed so christmas

then the day he left the last day i saw him the 26th

then the day he died the 9th

 then the day we said goodbye forever the 14th

my god it will never end for real it will just keep rolling on year after year

 can i make this journey

can i survive

i need some way to handle this how do you just keep going

do you raise you hand to to the lord and say move me

 or do you just simply go back to bed

that is what i want to do

i was told once by someone if when you remember me you can not laugh then please do not remember me at all

is that the way it should be

 this child was a joy he made you smile he brought warmth into your heart everyday he was so grand that word i had not used in a while 

My thoughts and prayers are with all who love and miss dear Jacky. I came across your precious Son's site after reading a candle left on Matthews Beards site, and felt compelled to visit Jacky's site. Your precious angel is certinally a very handsome man with an amazing smile that captured my heart instantly. I can clearly tell from the many beautiful memories that Jacky has a beautiful soul who enjoyed life to the fullest. You have created a beautiful tribute to honor your precious sons memory. I sincerely hope that our precious son's paths have crossed and that they have became friends. I wish there was something I could say to ease your heartache, I only pray that you find some comfort knowing that others care. God bless, Edwina Mitchell.

it is 3950.00 3100.oo now because we were going to have his picture and everyone decided to help pay for it together then no one made a payment so i do everymonth but now that my husband has his girlfriend my money has gone to support me and makayla and i have been left with all the bills so i have only been able to make the monthly payment it started out at 5400.00 i'll make it one day i just am overwhelmed right now you know no one helped with the funeral not the clothes flowers plot or funeral and then when he was burried they all just forgot there was still a stone to buy they pick it i pay but for my grandson i will make it i am taking on a second job for it i will survive all of this one day love ya thanks for asking i am not asking for a hand out or any help wouldn't even tell you if you had not ask so please do not think i am asking for help just being my friend is a joy 

my dear friend i am better the year has thrown me such a curve ball that i have tried to overcome i sometimes think i am not in the world i walked out of dec,31st i am good i would love to turn back the clock some how but that will not happen i have heard the saying my brothers keeper well that is so true with baby DE' i got to see him last week and my God he looks like and acts like Micah my lovely grandchild to lose a son or grandchild is so terrible more than i could have imagined in my life time

never did i think i could feel the way i have but through the days i am surviving the statment it will get better is so untrue it will never get better but i will survive angel is numb to the pain and so focused on DE" that it will drive her insane i believe scared that something bad is going to happen will i do not think i blame her at all she is so sad but as we surviving i know that you are sad i feel it in your words everytime you write and i can understand it in away that i wish i never knew the feeling i get at work is sometimes unbearable i am so unorganized now i have always had it all together now i can not do it my house is a wreck i can hardly cook or shop there are places we never go now i see and hear Micah everywhere i go not thinking of him never happens now they have my payments messed up at the funeral home for Micah's stone they won't make it until it is paid for in full and so i make payments but when i talk to them i get so mad that i just scream at them then hang up wishing i had not behaved so badly you know the worst has come out of me in so many ways that it is scarry how is pawpa 

Janice~ My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. It is so hard to be in your shoes right now....I do understand! Remember we act out of love when we are responsible in the medical decisions for a family member..We do not want to see them suffer and decisions have to be made. Do not beat yourself up for signing the papers for consent to surgery......You know as well as I do that ALL is in GODS hands and you signed them because that is how GOD wants........At times we really do not understand and maybe never will, but all happens as GOD sees fit......

 

 I had to sign papers on Luis to NOT give chest compressions, because he was so weak and fragile that his chest would have crushed if he was given them in a full code. Hardest thing I ever did! I felt as if I was given up on him, but in the long run I understood that it was for the best.......things could have been worse for him......At times some of these decisions that we have to make can be really hard, but always remember that GOD will see us through and GOD will always have us do what he sees fit for his children.........

 

You are always in my thoughts and prayers! Take care of yourself during this time, also!!

 

Love ya girl,

 

Vivian

 

 

 

 

 

Gods solidier and i can see this he will not abandon you i can not imagine why he let's such terrible things happen to such a true believer as your self so many things at once that is hard for me to understand but i have learned to praise him in everything and i trully believe he work thru you to give us the strength to go on everyday but not for you i would not be here today so many times i was through with all of this and i would read your words through tears shut the computer off and open the bible i do not even understand all i read but then a message will come thru i try to understand life and all it has offered me and mine this year and how i wait for 2008 to be over it's a year of tradgedy i will not miss the little things we take for granted a little hug a small hand on your back my nana home those words are so dear to me now to miss aminute now is like alife time gone i miss Micah so it is unbelieveable how the memories flow and over come us i try to enjoy them all and then i crash i say i should be grateful that i was blessed with this child and then i get angry for that blessing was just taken away for reasons i guess i will never know you were one of your fathers blessins and now you are his to get him through or to let God take over your choice will be the right ones i have no fear i trust in you how many surgeries can he endure and then you have to say for what are they ever going to send him home and his his infectin C-diff if so it is caused by the antibiotics be strong you will make it through do not get sick your self you are the rock for haven and tracey to love you my friend

 okay i feel so much more destress -stress i can almost feel your tears i am so sorry you have to go thru so much pain in your life everyday God will one day take it all away he has choosen you for so much he must feel your strength surronding your family i am better everyday or i at least hide it better now i cry i scream in lonliness and pain everyday but i am pulling me self up with Gods promise to be here for me to hold me up i have a wonderful 9 year old that needs to be happy needs to laugh and yes lord it is hard somtimes to just put on that happy face and miss Micah so but i will ruin her if i don't i will make her sad and she will hate her life and that is not the way to have her live she remembers Micah all the time she will say mom remember when Micah said this or did that and i say yes honey she says i am sorry momma i did'nt mean to make you sad and i just smile and say it is good to remember Micah everyday and the way he laughed and played to be happy because he can see you and is laughing with you in your heart mama it is terrible that we have lost our loved ones but Haven and makayla need to have the foundation we were giving Jacky and Micah let's try to ask God to comfort the young in his promise to always be here for them not that bad things won't happen but that when they do he will be here to guide them to get them through it all he is with us everyday