Jacky Ralph Amos

From chiidhood to adulthood you are taking girls sunglasses and wearing them ,is it because they look better on you than them,but i don't know who's glasses you have on as a chiid unless they are wendy's but I know you have Tammy's on in adulthood

This has been a Jacky day, a day that I would normally look forward to you coming over so that I could vent, and feel to be understood.

 

Amanda, I think, said that after helping to clean out your apartment, it was amazing that a young man of your age had nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to be kept hidden, such as porno....even your scribbles were all positive stuff!

 

It made me think>>are all of MY scribbles positive?  Nooooo!  After 29 years of living in this house on a constant scribble, and dragging in and storing fifteen years of scribble before that<<there is absolutely plenty of negative scribbles (since I was fifteen'ish)  that I'm determined to weed out.  Why keep the negatives in my life for folks to read after I die?  I want to be like you, Jacky!  I want nothing negative of me left behind!

 

Not that you were perfect, son.  You opined with me many an evening about certain frustrations that we SHARED.  When I tried to become positive over the past year'plus now....you tried to follow my example.  We tried together to erase any negative feelings or...

 

You know what?  I think that sometimes our helpless or over'whelmed areas of life became our negative complaints, or seemingly so>and THAT is what we shared together.  Could those discussions be considered NEGATIVE per say?  I really don't think so.  We determined to turn those (frustrations) into positive thoughts, such as I'm trying to do now,  and stand on the word of God as we cast those problems onto him, asking and believing that he would move that mountain! I think that this is where I miss you most.  We could discuss, each pray in our seperate way (yet together>>recall the time that you determined the entire family on a back'room'hand'holdin' prayer?  or was that me?)...and watch the mountain move.

 

Faith the size of a mustard seed.  We had it.  How big can a mustard plant grow?  Wheee! BIG.  Go google, or else pull out a Strong's Concordance or something.

 

We both held tight to the mustard seed promise, (more'so at the end, than in your youth),  and...you're there, and I'm here, and yet/but the mountain is shiftin'.  Whoa ain't it?!

 

But I still face days like today, and realize that the battle for my family isn't over yet>>nor the battle within' mine own'self.  It's hard in certain situations not to feel sorry for oneself.  But that word, "hard," when it comes to my mind, will always bring a sense of "I get it!" every time that "life is hard" comes to my thought pattern.  My brother once gave me a word of knowledge from God, and didn't even know it>>>"Don't try HARD.  Try EASY."    (Too bad that  he spoke it, but didn't really get it...)  But he will.  After all, he IS the one that got the word of knowledge YEARS ago!

 

I whip myself hard, feeling lazy and complaining....  Seems just as an elderly member of the family is wishing to sap me in their dying years to cater to them, another youthful one wishes to whip me to attention that I'm not quite paying enough attention to them.  How many years has this gone on now?  Since about...1998.  When Mama died.  I couldn't cater to her enough, because I had so much youth and rebellion (TEEN'agers) around me.  Then comes others and their dying ailments, along with extra youth...

 

Such feelings as these, Jacky, would only be shared with my barn and YOU, except that you're not here each evening any more, physically>>....>>you are HERE, in memory...of what I would normally keep quiet.  I continue to vent to you via this forum.   I'm reduced to even more scribbles of myself, such as you so loved.  My daily feelings.  My heart.

 

It is days like today that I miss you, miss your presence, miss your quirky comments, your in'put.  It's days like this that causes me to wish to go clean my barn...which I'm working on.  It's a slow go...

 

But I will manage to be left behind as an un'complainin'person...>>God'willin'

 This is one of my favorite pictures of you when you were a child ,the memory behind this is me and your mama thought we were going to take some good  pictures but we did'nt have a good background so we had thrown a brown blanket over that OLD IRON BED in you mama's bedroom and we thought we had some professional pictures made so we were taking of mama and all of kids and judy and laura and janis  and not any me that i recall and you were also wearing Tony's hand me down out so called Dressum up outfit tan cordurory i have pictures at christmas with it too little for him and his belly just a shining but it was the special a occasion outfit so i guess that's why you have it on.RIP LOVE YOU

''Life is not a journey to heaven with the intentions of arriving safely in a pretty  and well preserved body...but,rather,to SKID in broadside, thoroughly used up ,totally WORN out,and loudly proclaiming....'WOW! WHAT A RIDE!'' .Live life to the fullest! iIn Memory of Jacky Amos(Famous Amos)

Butter'fly>>how befitting!  You flew away with the colorful wings that most of us wished to chase after and capture.  You fly, fly, fly>>with the young on a capture of you in attempts to capture your glory. (Your laff'ter and fun'nature).  If they catch you, that's okay!  They can break your wings, smother you in tiny hands, but you can still escape and fly high, HIGH, HIGHER THAN AN EAGLE>because even if you die, son, with your colorful wings, smothered in tiny hands<<you've flown HIGH...into the hand of your maker...