Jacky Ralph Amos

Jacky, I love you so much!  The $8,000 share of your settlement, (pitiful, compared to your life value via our hearts), has been dipped into to honor your life here, and bless my dreams, I guess. (We didn't want to dip into it, but work is scarce at the moment...)

We have been remodeling here for several years anyway.  Why not go all the way, and try to finish up right?  You and Billy'boy always sat back and watched and teased about the little country estate on Jenny Lane....  It makes me smile.

I try to see you through the clouds, sitting back and smiling....watching the work in progress.  As always.

Son, anything else that you have left that God sends/has sent...I will try hard to protect it for future investments, no matter what the economy at the moment, the struggles that we have to deal with dollar wise. (I recall a time in my life digging for pennies)....

  My dream is that you will be the investor of your sib/ and family....down the line.

The new back'door cafe will STAY within budget, (which is why I can't find tables to connect with my budget....), but...I believe honestly in my heart that I have favor with God, and>>>I'll get what I want at a decent price.

And we will still home'party despite the wait for....comfort?

The new back'door cafe is right up yours and mine own alley>>>the food is good, simple, questionable (experiments)...but always free.  It involves family and friends, and many times folks I don't know.  Food paid for by my uncle, your great uncle...Junior...remember him?  He would honestly choke to death at the food prices lately...but say>>DO it!  Buy it anyway!

He has paid for a lot each month, for family gatherings, even when alive.  Wonder how he is faring now?

Anyway...

God bless him...

It is in honor of YOU, the out'door cafe.  Tony's cast'iron cross will be in the middle of the wall, and a perfect place next to it  '' in memory of you plac'.....something else that I need to get around to finding.  But that is ALL.  The cross and a plak.

Jacky....the porch is yours.  It is in memory of you.  I'm personally tired of remodeling, re'working this old house.  I miss you.  I miss Billy'boy.  I miss....your heart, your friends...your daily phone calls, daily knocks...

I know that you love this old house that you were pretty much born to, blue'prints when you were three months old... 

I do too.

I just want a minute to stop, relax and enjoy it in my later years.  No more DRAMA, no more pain....

Celebrate with us tomorrow, kiddo!

I hope that Angie remembered to call Wee...

I visited you today.

Someone poked some pretty yellow flowers into Angie's GA. Bull'dawg creation....

Crystal's spray was/is awesome.  It is going back. 

I'm going to meet with and set up at least two more bronze vases to be set up for your grave cover...around you.  You have too many women/family members lovin' to coddle you!

I LOVE You, Jacky!!  I love you with my entire heart and mind.  You are all that I think about...

I love you soooo MUCH.

I'm ready to take a papaw break since he seems to be becoming more stable, altho still in the long term ICU, called ECU.  He's getting cranky and mean, back to his typical self except that he can't move, but I don't blame him.  If I had been laying flat of my back and couldn't budge for four long months I would be screaming the roof off.

Glenda is back at Peachford, and I feel so sorry for her I can't stand it, but....she is where she needs to be.  She has been off meds for way too long.  Sometimes I have to unplug my phone, but daddy's hospital has John's cell #.

The porch and bath is not fully completed yet as time really isn't on our side, but between John and Leroy, it's done enough for our first party.  I've even prayed over it and annoited it with Olive oil, and praised over it.  Uhmmm.....I need tables, tho.  I asked the lady in the office at Oak Leaf about some, and she said to call back, she would see.  I hate to bother them.  I guess that me and John will look around next week on our trips to Rome.

Okay, so how many are up for a Labor Day party?  I need to count heads so that I can figure food.  I hope that daddy remains as okay as he has last week.

Love all you guys, (love you, Jacky!).  I told God that I wish so much that if you couldn't be here at least I so wished that you could see our nice moments.  God INSTANTLY put it into my spirit>>>How do you know that he can't?

THAT made me smile.  God is great!

THE PRAYER   Father,I ask you to bless my friends ,relatives, and those that I care deeply and for whoever is reading this right now .Show them a new revelation of your love and power.HOLY SPIRIT,I ask you to minister to their spirit at this moment ,where their is pain , give them your peace and mercy, where there is self-doubt release a renewed confidence through your grace, where there is need , I ask you to fullfill their needs.Bless their homes,families,finances,their goings and comings. AMEN                                                                                                                            

A daddy recap.  First it started with a scheduled removal of a toe, but infection had to be cleared from his body first in ICU, but during this process he had a heart attack and DIED.  He didn't even know it.  That is what I call a graceful sort of death.

As time went on and when he was up to it, he had two stents put into his heart while still in the hospital, had his entire lower leg removed at this point, then was shipped to another hospital for a defibilator to be put into his pace'maker.  Meantime during all of this he is extremely swollen and in misery with gout.

Some weeks later he was shipped to a nursing home for rehab, but they couldn't move him around for rehab because cellulitis set up in him, and they had to take care that it didn't move up to the heart.  It wound up in the most painful place for a man, I reckon.

For the last four months, he has been in constant need for blood, so the nursing home sent him to another hospital, the one that he is in now, and his colon was so full of bacteria from all of the antibiotics,  WE were even in danger of catching it by simply touching him.  We were warned that the entire colone would have to be removed, else he would definitely die....  Well, we went that route...and all turned out great, except that he still can't move much more than lifting his arms, and this has been the story going on four months.  Imagine how the muscles in his body have wilted to the point that by now and at his age and circumstances of health he will never get them back.

Plus he is still tortured by gout.

They finally decided that he was doing so well, they could feed him and give him liquids the other day.  He was doing okay with that until day before yesterday.  He can't swallow very well, and fluid is building in his lungs, so he is at risk for pneumonia and is back on an oxygen mask, no food and drink allowed.  Hearing his lungs wheeze, I figure that he does have a touch of pneumonia already.

He is VERY awake and VERY alert and VERY miserable.  I can barely understand him under that mask, but he begged over and over for three things tonight.  One, is the thing that he has been begging for months lately>>to please make the doctors let him go HOME.  He really thinks that he can.  Two, water and diet Dr. Pepper>>>he's so thirsty.  Three, Tracy understood him, I didn't...but he wants some pintos.

If he wants pintos, then he has got to be on a heavenly call from Jacky to give it up and come to the REAL home.

I can't STAND to see someone beg for water.  I watched that on my night shift with David, and desperate, I wet a wash'cloth and held it while he sucked at it.  He was so thirsty that he just bared into that cloth with his teeth, and I thought that I would never be able to get it back from him.  I was sneaking him a drop to soothe his thirst as best I could without it causing him to throw up that black bloody goop, which would cause me to gag.

Daddy is soooo thirsty!  He's not been a saint, and I'm not leaning to my own understanding with this dying business, but he DID die gracefully way back in May.  I would advise people, at least ones with some age on them, to go get a living will.  I'm going to get around to doing that for myself.  If I die in God's timing, in a peaceful sort of way, then leave me be.  I'll be with Jacky and Jesus and all of the heavenlies.  God will iron the rest out down here.

I'm not sad, nor upset.  Just a little bothered that the man has to live thirsty.

Thanks all angel moms, grand'moms, and grieving wives and family for your support.  I'm getting stronger by the day, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

I had my dream I have been praying to God for last night and I remember it and it felt so real. I told God tto please just let you vsit me in my dream. I said it wouldn't be sad, I just want to see him, his face and hear him say something.  I remember I was in momma's house standing by the front door (holding it w/ one hand) talking to momma or someone outside in the yard (everyone was arguing with me because I kept screwing up and I was frustrated) when I went to shut the door I saw you behind it and you were right there. I had to take a double look and say oh my god, is it really?? You had that grin and I can't remember what you said. Then we were somewhere on some stairs and I was on my kness hugging you around your waist while you were standing up and just crying so hard I couldn't breath and you were talking and said something like you are with me still, (trying to pull my ares loose cause you had to go) and then (Idon't know were this came from) that I better stop getting so skinny and I was just uncontrollably crying with my face dug into your belly and my hands locked around your waiste thinking how is he just gonna leave? You finally broke be loose and I walked to a corner ( with a big wet mark on the belly of your shirt from my tears) huffing for breath and wiping my tears. I looked back of you walking on your way taking a deep breath and your eyes red and teared up(like you was holding it in while I was huggiing you and it made you hurt). I know i said I thought it wouldn't be sad for you but I am glad I saw you and felt you. I love you!

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