Jacky Ralph Amos

Today turned out so great, family wise, so sad daddy'wise.  I guess it's official that he had a heart attack during the night.  He was alert tonight, at least could hear us.  He's too unstable for them to be able to do all of their testing, but we will know more tomorrow.  They told us to talk to him before they knocked him back out.  I told him that I loved him.  Angie insisted that they put it on Christian television and LEAVE it on so that he can listen to Arnold Murray later.  Pray for daddy, Jacky, that he's able to stay in perfect peace, where'ever it is that is God's will for him to be.

You all have plenty of char'coal Memorial Day there at the lake.  Steaks and fries or on Jacky.  (Hmmm....pleeze be out of gas!)  I hate entertainment machines!

Dear Jacky,

 

I just want to do a little boo'hoo for a minute.

 

So many pictures where you are cheek to cheek with the kids you loved, or hugging them...or lifting them up.  You would have been such a perfect father with your wisdom of realizing that a child needs that sort of contact.  I don't care how many times you've said, "If that was MY kid..."

 

Yesterday, Haven pulled out Veggie Tales to watch, because you loved to lay in bed and watch them with her.  Not her favorite, but yours.  And that is why she chose it.  How many Saturday or Sunday mornings or afternoons to creep in bed with her to watch cartoons?  I can't count them.  I would tippy'toe to check on her, and find you laying right there with her, engrossed in those cartoons. 

 

You would have been a perfect father.  All that you ever wanted so INTENSELY was to finish your education and be a physical therapist, buy a home, get married...and have a family.  That's all that you talked about.  How often it is that I feel like you got cheated in life.  You were really making progress, had big plans even until the day that you left.

 

You left.

 

I can't get over it, let go of it, but I can get through it.

 

"Death" has a different meaning for me now.  My eyes, my mind, my heart...all are opened wide to it.  I can't imagine that there is such a thing....just a getting there thing.  Like you, I hope to go in an instant, like you be there on the other side of life in an instant.

 

On the flip'side of the coin, I pray God that I never go through another child of mine or your generation leave here before me, or generations after you.  Standing in faith with David and seeming to lose, then Tragedy... and then there YOU go....    God promises not to allow any more on us than we can bear.  I trust Him that this is so.

 

I just DON'T want to let you, go, Jacky.  If I could do it all over again, I would have kissed and pampered  you more as a baby, and hugged you silly in our yesterdays together.  You was such a hug'bug person!!  Complained that I wasn't.

 

I'm sorry that I wasn't....

 

I am GLAD that we were so close, tho.  I am soooo glad that in your last years you finally slowed down and listened to my wisdom...same as I slowed down and listened to your plans...

 

I am so GLAD that I catered around your lunch calls, and planned for your supper calls.

 

I am so GLAD of our evenings together.  Many MANY evenings together, rocking porch sets, computer sets....just simply sitting and listening, understanding and sharing emotions sets...the last years of your life.

 

I'm just so proud of you, to have you, have had you, have you....

 

Nooooo....I can't let you go!  You are too awesome.  An awesome and special gift from God.

 

Tomorrow is Wednesday.  Today is Tuesday.

 

Tomorrow for you, forever for me.

 

Everlasting...

Okay, Jenny.  Call me when the jet'ski runs out of gas!