Jacky Ralph Amos

Hey, son,

Angie got a tattoo in honor of you today, 4/8/08.  I picked out more plants and John ripped out more bushes.

This is going to be a close call.  Electrician due on Thursday, (power out),  gotta shop Thursday NIGHT,  cook Friday, your b'day, party Saturday.  Wheeee!

I bit Tracy's head off, then tried to glue it back on.  You know, God'style>>with an APOLOGY.

I don't want her thinking that I have to deal with her mama because I have HER.  I deal with her mama because my heart is bigger than my britches, and...my butt is shrinkin'.  Anyway, her mama is my sister.  I sigh.

A note to Tracy.  You are a child that I fell in love with at BIRTH.  It was YOUR new life that settled my devastated heart of previous divorce, caused me to settle back down into a mother'mode, altho John was already established in my heart as my next husband before your time.

Your mama  told you that I couldn't  have anymore kids, and stole you.

Uhhh...the rabbits get the carrot scraps, and you will shortly turn sixteen.  I think that you get the big picture.

I have you because I fell in love with you as a babe, no siblings involved, and wanted to protect you, wanted to see that you had a life.  I didn't just DO it, but prayed that God would lead me every step of the way.

Thanks, son, for involving her into your race'world and kewl pattern of life.  We just did so/do so love her.

Love YOU toooo!

Me, Angie and Haven picked you out a bird'feeder to go on the shepherd's hook so that folks can put notes and cards in.  I think that it's perfect, matches, and is nature in design with a deer scene.  Okay, I intended for it to be a bird scene, but...oh well, it IS a BIRD feeder.

Haven didn't care for it, wanted to choose.  I told her that she can choose your flowers.  I have a feeling that she will have to choose her own flowers, since I already know what I want for your birthday decor.  Not to mention the balloons...whee, gonna be a lonnnnng week!

The electrician will be here one day, which means power out...so I'm terrified of buying any food for your party that needs to be refrigerated for a cook...and then there is the cooking part.  Of course I can pile two refrigerator freezer foods into the small freezer, along with stuff that needs to go in the fridge....  I just hope that I don't have to be doing any last minute buying since the man didn't give us the definite day.  What is wrong with people?

I also want to finish your plants, altho still un'decided as to WHAT to plant other end of the house.  I don't know if we can manage all of that and on a Havenly watch too...  You know her, got to be in the middle of everything and be the one to do it.  Gotta love it>>these memories of her.  (She spent about an undecided seemingly half hour on an ornament decor for the babe's grave).  This is why I know what flowers I have in mind for you, but will stand around and browse forever her behalf on what SHE has in mind.  It's okay>>good for her brain, decision making.

Company streamed in amidst our plant, the funninest was Daniel with little Lem.  He needed a cigarette for Robin (and himself, I imagine, or maybe not).  He needed two.  He and a bare'foot little Lem practically flew in to admire the work, then fled before "she kills the other two..." 

I soooo cracked!  Why don't she just buy herself a pack of cigarettes, that Robin?  Beeeeee'Cause>>>she will smoke 'em!  She only needs two a day.

All in all, great day, Jacky.  I felt your eyes on me every second of it, because maybe most every second of it was dedicated to you.  I felt Billy'boy's eyes too, knowing that he was there across the street.  I didn't even wave.  I miss him so.  He misses you so.  I knew that if I waved, then he would have felt obligated to come over, and would get those tears in his eyes, which would cause tears to my eyes...

I won't never forget summer before last, something like that, you preachin' on LOVE, true love, and waving your hand to Billy'boy declaring how so much you loved him.  He squirrrrmed so hard, as I cracked.  Both of you such he'men.  Of course we all know what you meant>>>the bonds that tie us.  He was one of your best friends since forever.

He is happily married again now, with an extra daughter,  and...shortly Amanda will be.  You kids are slowly establishing yourself in your own garden of Edens of sorts, be it in heaven or on earth.  Even Angie is becoming serene.  I think that she (you, Angie) are realizing that your strength lies in NO man, but in yourself and God alone.  Not even Mama (me) can help you be who you so want to be, maybe even on a blind eye sent you a longer route of who you really could be>>but like Jacky, you've discovered that God alone is all that you need.  I'm sooooooooo super proud of you!

You are becoming everything that I listened to Jacky pace on>>(remember?  You lived with him once).  You are becoming that beautiful and mature woman that he soooo wished to see blossom.  Everybody sees it!!!!  I'm sooooo proud of you, as I know that he is.

That next rain'bow that you capture?  It has GOT to be HIM smilin' down on you!  Gootta be!

Love you guys, my Oliver and Amos kids!  You ARE my blood.  Flow freely and stay safe.  Keep alert.  Jacky>>>watch over them. 

Tomorrow for you, forever for me.  I WILL surely see you again.

Roylee got his tattoo today in your memory his looks good ,but your's is better after he was done we went to get something to eat and as we were eating Roylee said to me you will never guess in at thousand years who i had lunch with today and as i was trying to guess i said was it a male or female he said male of course I ask do I know them well he said yes I ask how old was he and he said 28 almost 29 I was thinking maybe a friend of Tony's and then it hit me when he said again he will be 29 and I ask what did you eat and he said chicken fingers and fries and then the age kicked in and I said jacky he ate lunch with you  at the cemetery and I said I bet he is mad at you for bringing food up there and eating in front of him 'but Iknow you have a  feast for a kinglove you and we all miss you and thinking about you always

I can't believe that you are there and I am here, but life is what it is.

You used to get so involved in planting little memorials for our elderlies that died, but we never imagined that you would be one of the "next" ones.  Mama is that big ol' tree in the front yard, and the red maple in the corner, and it irks John to this day that me and you always claimed that WE (actually you) bought the trees and dug the holes.  He swears to high heaven that he did it.  (But we ought'a know>>lived here fairly tree'less 'til Mama died.)

I'm starting to get confused as to which plant represent whom, but...I think that I fairly have a good recall.  There is a rose'bush that I'm trying to kill, and I can't recall if it is my mama or my gr'mama....but it sure won't die, so.....must be my gr'mama.  Whoo'whee, she plumb wore me out hanging in there on one heck of a fight.

Okay, no, this is the older rose'bush, so has to be David's.  I'd better leave it alone.

Mama has the tea'cup roses and the plumb tree, and my Jr. the peach tree.  The peach tree should be mama's, tho, because she always loved those trees so, and ours is so pretty in bloom at the moment.

I love nature.  You were so much like me, if nothing but enjoying it through my eyes.  Ohhh, kid!  Nature back'handed us with this shock, not the natural order of things, you there first and me still here.  I'm still adapting....

Did I say that I love you?