Jacky Ralph Amos

Jacky, I counted about a dozen of us in church today that were too lazy or could'care'less to go with you before.  A fairly regular dozen at this point, and really no telling how many more.  If you count your daddy & family and friends and family with their own churches....then so many more than the simple dozen that you've inspired to attend your own place of worship. (I recall just before you died, you mentioning seeing your friend, Dane, there...and was tickled silly.  You felt like you finally had someone to go with you, and you might start going with him.  I don't know Dane, still don't, altho Larry tells me that they work together?)  I think it was Dane.  If I'm wrong...dunno....it was one of your friends.... 

Son, I'm sooooo sorry that I didn't go with you when you asked, and even felt broken'hearted that it wasn't you standing beside me in the meeting.  But, today, I asked God to give you little sneak'peeks from heaven, and I honestly felt that He did/does.  I honestly felt, not only God smiling down on us, but YOU too, felt your perdy boy grin.  I don't know what you're doing there in that dimension, but I'm sure that you're busy at it, (learning LOTS),  and thankful yourself for the sneak'peeks of sorts.  If God's love can so very much envelope us here on earth, I can only imagine the depth of it that you are getting there.

As I prayed and asked God to give you sneak'peeks of sort, He made me feel that this was granted, by bringing scriptures of Lazurus and the rich man to my spirit.  You are so very much alive, and I can't but do anything but praise God for this.

I love you, love you, LOVE you! 

I love you, Jacky! 

Everlasting, your mama

This has been a little bit of a tough day, kinda lonely, kinda wistful.  The only real picture is in my mind, of Jacky standing over the serving area of the kitchen about every 7 p.m.'ish of the evening.  I look through the glass door and the image of his back is as clear as can be as he ponders the pots.   Not many pots lately, but nor do I have Jacky's taste buds to aim to please.  Beans, beans beans....  I did cook lentils tonight in memory of him as a beginners course, and a good ol' steak for my own taste buds as I reckon my body must be craving some mega fat and protein.

But I went and bought wrappin' paper, soooo....I'm in a Christmas mode.  Fred's was out of tape...tho.

I don't feel like decorating, but...Santa does need to come out of the attic.  That was Jacky's job.  Yuns know, muscles.  If he comes out then so be it, and if he don't, then, well....John said that he looks likes he has lost all of his teeth anyway since a couple of years back somebody knocked his bottom lip in.  He can still sing and dance, tho, the way I see it, and has always kept the kids entertained.  He used to spook me at night on a bathroom wee, hearing voices come through him even tho he was turned off>>>yuns know<<<that radio tower behind us.  But it always tickled us silly, and I got used to it.   (Yeah, right...

Anyway, if anyone has any very recent pics to donate, then post them here or bring them to me please.  Time isn't running out, but I'd like to get on the ball and get Jacky's stone on a build.  All that I need is a picture that I can be pleased with.  That I feel that HE would be pleased with.

You were remembered at Oak Leaf today, Jacky.  I guess that service was for me, as God always comes in and uses something or someone to verify what He has whispered into one's spirit.  Such as, I had been asking, altho not wavering in my faith, but asking questions of why one so young?  Why one so leading?  Why one with such potential?

Just as God had whispered from His word the answers into my spirit, such as...My thoughts are not your thoughts, my ways not your ways...

....and, I will always work the good out of everything for all of them that believe on me...

God used the service and those scriptures that have been engraved in my heart for a number of years now to verify that He is still speaking sweet secrets into my spirit, into my ear.    I came home and read all of Matthew 11, Malachi in part, and I dooo so love the book of Isaiah, the book that God used to draw me from the beginning, wayyyyy back, when my life was such a mess from divorce and feelings of failure and financial and spiritual chaos.  That book of Isaiah was lifted up today too, in the service also, and took me back to promises that I laid claim to back so very long ago.  I've been so blessed since claiming those promises many years ago.

So blessed, that I had to continue my ponder as they were singing the praise songs before the sermon.  I am so deeply in love with Christ that I had to fight tears in my eyes during the singing, had to fight my thoughts that were....wondering why Jacky, why you, so young...with so much potential.  Yet, how could I still be so in love with Christ, so thankful to God...just so in love in the spiritual realm?  How?  My son wasn't protected HERE!  Yet, I knew that you were, you are.

Then came the sermon, the scriptures that backed up everything that God had been whispering into my spirit.  The same questions raised that I had been asking.  No, I haven't been doubting God, just trying to understand...altho yet I understood.

And the video of his dying friend so touching and soooo true!  He said that cancer was the best thing that happened to him, because that's when he became the best father that he could be, the best husband, the best....EVERYthing that he could strive to be.  It motivated him.  It showed him in a sense (spiritually) that his tomorrow wouldn't necessarily be other's tomorrow, but his yesterday could inspire them into victories of sort for theirs and their families tomorrows.

If God could use him and his memory to inspire others to get right and be where they should be spiritually in this life, so that THEIR so'called tomorrow can...as you, Jacky, wrote, finish to live life "real" in the long run scheme of things.

It's not what happens to us, but how we react to what happens to us.  God uses every circumstance, no matter how incredibly painful, and will work the good from it to all those that ask, believe, and trust on Him.

And this is why I almost collasped in tears of love and joy to my Father in Heaven during the praise songs....amidst the wonderment of why YOU, my boy, died so so very young!  Your work of leading others continues on.

I love you, Jacky!

I love our Lord!

Mama

Jacky, I can't count the times this past month that John and me are feeling our age, have realized just how much we relied on your muscles.  (By the way, you would be proud to know that the coroner said that you had muscles from the top of your head to the tip of your toes!)  Smile, Perdy Boy!  Grin broad on that one!

Anyway, I'm cookin' again, something that you always look forward to>>holidays.  If I bought myself a new Dutch oven, then I had to buy you a mini'style one.  Whatever I had in my kitchen, you always wished to have, and I bought it in a mini'style.  You wanted recipes, and that was my goal on a jot, to write down family recipes from 'Hot Dot' style, to Mama (me) style.   I guess I'll continue it, but...the book was for you.  I guess that it will be dedicated to you now. Your girls, (Tracy, Angie and Haven would reap the profits, if ever there were sales...  Dunno).

Anyway, last year you dived into the Thanksgiving cookin' right along with me.  What could you do?  I thought>>>YIPPEE!  Yay!  Yay! 

You hand grated two heads of cabbage in NO time!  I thought that I had it made for the holidays, with you wishing to suddenly actually be involved with the cooking.  But...noooo....I'm back to quartering heads of cabbage...and taking a long rest after a grate of each quarter.

Oh well, I don't think that you thought that was a very terrific job that I handed you to get involved on a Thanksgiving meal'cook, but>>>it was! It was!  It was!  Yeah, it was boring, same as lifting the turkey out of the oven for me was boring>>I mean, all one needs is muscle for that.  Yeah, well...yeah!  I miss yer muscles, son!  I surely do!  John worries about me doing that lifting alone tomorrow with him gone, but I assure him that Tracy will be planted under it with oven gloves,  holding up the bottom as I lift UP.  Hey!  Twenty'five and fifteen pounds can cause quite a drastic muscle shake to these bony arms, but with the weight of the broth included.  (I hope that Tracy is able!)

Jacky?  Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years were our (YOUR) most festive, favorite times together.  You are still here with us, still a part of us.  We're going to practice saying grace over this one, not sa much over the food, but over the family>>because thanks to you, family is truly united again.  The more that family is united via your memory, the more that they realize that without Christ>>they won't be able to unite with YOU again.

You continue to pray for us there from your awesome stance in heaven.

I love you!  I MISS you!

Mama