Okay, Jenny mashed potatos and casserole.
Daddy ate a nibble tonight, but so thirsty. He is surprisingly wide awake and alert, but a little confused here and there. (Gets highly annoyed at ME, tho.
)
He thinks that he lives at Hall Station, where he grew up...and can't get his mind off the awesome cold spring water. I couldn't take it anymore, as I hate to be thirsty myself, so asked the nurse did he really have to have the thickener put in his water. We tried him with water from the fountain and that relieved him sooooo much. He drank four paper cup'fuls!
I know that Angie wants him home. I know that he wants to go home. This is all too tough for me, emotionally. He thinks that I'm the one that has pressured the doctors into all of these surgeries. I don't even have so'say, don't have medical power of attorney....I just give permission so that they know that we won't sue them if they do what they think needs to be done at the moment. And who is going to rightfully in their heart turn down what the doctors suggest someone needs? I DO know that he absolutely needed the colon surgery as he was so toxic that folks were warn to stay highly sanitary after being around him, plus he would have died a horrific death without it. It's the colon surgery that he most blames me for.
But he pretty much has his right mind, and I tell him that with Hospice, it's all his choice, what he wants, what he doesn't want, is up to him. If tomorrow he seems as alert as today, I will get with Hospice Monday and ask the ins and outs of maybe him going on home to die. But I swear....
I can take ANYthing, the dying part....all of it. (He said it tonight, "I'm dying, DON'T you know that I'm dying?...but I don't want to die here. I want to go home.")
Broke my heart after last night's conversation with Angie...
But I can't take the mental abuse that he doses out on ONLY me and the nurses. (Treats John like steak'sauce or something...) He demands, and he's angry and upset if I don't comply....but that's just typical daddy. He tones down about the time for us to leave. He says, "I don't know what I'd do without yuns. I don't know what I'm doing with yuns either, but....I don't know what I'd do without yuns..."
I left on the promise that I would bring him clothes tomorrow, another big constant demand. Also told him that I would bring him a bottle of spring water. He said, "Bring FOUR bottles.
And some black'eyed peas and cornbread."
It's midnight. I'm cooking a handful of black'eyed peas, that he probably won't want by tomorrow.
I'm strong, tho. I see the humor amidst the sadness.
He's invited too. I can't remember your name, but you are always welcome!