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Mama
 

Daddy ate GOOD tonight.  I cooked black'eyed peas.  He was even nice....reflective...

 

Came home with a bag of Mc'Donald's for myself & family.  Yayyyy!  Home'cookin' awaited me.  Thanks, Jenny!  That was some good eats!

 

John was chowing down when I came in, then inhaled a Big Mac, then went back to chowing down

on the soup.  When he first said that there was Italian sausage in there, I cringed, thinking of that stuff that Pizza Hut puts on their pizzas...

 

But this was really mild and good, and complimented the soup.  Thank you!  I'll have it for breakfast too.  I had black'eyed peas for breakfast this morning.  Getting used to supper for breakfast, and breakfast for supper here lately...

 

Mama
 

Okay, Jenny mashed potatos and casserole.

 

Daddy ate a nibble tonight, but so thirsty.  He is surprisingly wide awake and alert, but a little confused here and there.  (Gets highly annoyed at ME, tho.)

 

He thinks that he lives at Hall Station, where he grew up...and can't get his mind off the awesome cold spring water.  I couldn't take it anymore, as I hate to be thirsty myself, so asked the nurse did he really have to have the thickener put in his water.  We tried him with water from the fountain and that relieved him sooooo much.  He drank four paper cup'fuls!

 

I know that Angie wants him home.  I know that he wants to go home.  This is all too tough for me, emotionally.  He thinks that I'm the one that has pressured the doctors into all of these surgeries.  I don't even have so'say, don't have medical power of attorney....I just give permission so that they know that we won't sue them if they do what they think needs to be done at the moment.  And who is going to rightfully in their heart turn down what the doctors suggest someone needs?  I DO know that he absolutely needed the colon surgery as he was so toxic that folks were warn to stay highly sanitary after being around him, plus he would have died a horrific death without it.  It's the colon surgery that he most blames me for.

 

But he pretty much has his right mind, and I tell him that with Hospice, it's all his choice, what he wants, what he doesn't want, is up to him.  If tomorrow he seems as alert as today, I will get with Hospice Monday and ask the ins and outs of maybe him going on home to die.  But I swear....

 

I can take ANYthing, the dying part....all of it.  (He said it tonight, "I'm dying, DON'T you know that I'm dying?...but I don't want to die here.  I want to go home.")

 

Broke my heart after last night's conversation with Angie...

 

But I can't take the mental abuse that he doses out on ONLY me and the nurses.  (Treats John like steak'sauce or something...)  He demands, and he's angry and upset if I don't comply....but that's just typical daddy.  He tones down about the time for us to leave.  He says, "I don't know what I'd do without yuns.  I don't know what I'm doing with yuns either, but....I don't know what I'd do without yuns..."

 

I left on the promise that I would bring him clothes tomorrow, another big constant demand.  Also told him that I would bring him a bottle of spring water.  He said, "Bring FOUR bottles.

 

And some black'eyed peas and cornbread."

 

It's midnight.  I'm cooking a handful of black'eyed peas, that he probably won't want by tomorrow.

 

I'm strong, tho.  I see the humor amidst the sadness.

Mama
 

I am going to try very hard to have Jacky's memorial on Sunday, 19th.  You all know my situation...as that could very well be the day of my daddy's funeral, but if it is....we will try to have it anyway.  There just might be time changes, or maybe have to switch it to Saturday, rather than Sunday.  We'll just....remember daddy too, while we're at it.

 

Considering the fifty plus folks that came for his b'day, and yayyy we had plenty enough food, (and ALL are welcome), family, extendeds, friends...friends of friends....all that loved Jacky are most certainly welcome....but considering the volume of people, and my time dance with and around daddy, the menu will be more simple.  (Don't think that I'm not loving this!!>>I'm about ready to go out and find a restaurant supply place and hunt myself up a salad bar for the back porch.  Why not??  Salads make work so convenient, and always seem to be the hit of the party.)

 

We willl have sloppy joes, brats, BBQ chicken, shriimp casserole, spinach/chicken stuffed shells in the pasta sauce that I make that the little boy that lives with Tina always gets mad if he misses it.   He's invited too.  I can't remember your name, but you are always welcome!

 

Fries, chips/dips, steamed broccoli w/cheese, mashed potatos<<(I need a volunteer to make those)>>and the main dish, the salad bar.

 

Salad bar:  lettuce, tomato, spanish onion, green peppers, mushrooms, black olives, pineapple, cottage cheese, boiled eggs croutons, bacon bits, cheddar cheese, crackers....and if anyone can think of anything that I'm leaving out....oh!!!  Broccoli, cauliflower.....Let me add that to my list....<<anyone else think of anything else that they like on a salad, feel free to let me know.

 

Jacky, I know that you're loving this and have a perdy boy smile going on right about now.  It's all about you.  We love you!

Mama
 

Stay close to Papaw, son.  Maybe he can see you soon.  I'm glad that you two got to spend the day together shortly before you left.

 

Papaw is back in the nursing home, this time with hospice in charge.  He refuses a feeding tube, refuses to eat or drink, so....  He won't be going back to the hospital, from what I understand, nor does he want to.  He just wants to be left alone.

jenny
 

YOU KNOW LAST YEAR AT HAVEN'S BIRTHDAY PARTY JUST ABOUT 3AND A1/2 WEEKS BEFORE YOU PASSED AWAY WAS ACTUALLY THE LAST TIME I TALKED TO YOU AND SEEN YOU BESIDES PASSING YOU ON THE ROAD HEADING FOR WORK ,I HAD TO WORK THAT DAY AND IM GLAD I GOT THERE LATE THE PARTY WAS ALREADY OVER AND I STARTED NOT TO COME BUT I HAVEN'T MISSED NONE OF HER PARTIES IM GLAD I DID BECAUSE IT WAS GOOD TO SEE YOU AND TONY TOGETHER TALKING OLD TIMES AND GOOD TIMES I JUST WISH THIS DID'NT HAPPEN AND YOU COULD BE HERE IN PERSON BUT YOU WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN AND ALWAYS BE WITH US IN SPIRIT

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