Jacky Ralph Amos

THE PICTURE OF JACKY  WITH THE RED HAT ON IS ONE OF THE DAYS HE CAME TO DIXIE SPEEDWAY ANDCAME TO SIT UP THERE WITH US TO WATCH THE RACES...THAT WAS A VERY WONDERFUL DAY AND HE WAS SOOOOO VERY HAPPY.AND THAT WAS AN WONDERFUL MEMORIE I HAVE OF JACKY AMOS ..AND NOW I SIT IN THE SAME PLACE AND I KNOW JACKY'S RIGHT THERE BY ME EVERYTIME I GO TO DIXIE SPEEDWAY...GOD I MISS HIM SO MUCH.....

Sept. 15, 2008  Daddy barely responsive, can't seem to talk, just sort of turns his head to my voice.  When I got there, he had just had a bath, was half covered, and his entire body shivering so hard it plumb hurt my own bones!  I HATE to be cold, and he is so cold natured, even in the summer time.  I covered him in that COLD room with his blanket and asked for another.  We wrapped him right up to his chin, and finally when the shivers stopped, I told him that I was leaving, and that I love him.  He finally responded, barely managing to say, "Ah uh u" back to me.  I knew then that he was conscious to the fact that I was there for him.

Tracy wasn't so lucky.  She went in after me, and got no response at all.  She was fighting tears on her way out.  She is his fav of all the kids.  Life hurts, when we have to watch someone die soooo SLOW.

He had been in a diabetic...something or another....sugar super high going in...  Extremely high, I guess just shy of going into a diabetic coma.  Kidneys not putting out enough....  He's no pretty picture, seventy'three and had looked young for his age, now looks like a ninty year old....

Maybe he was right, and something for me to feel bad about later.  Maybe he would have been better off just going home.  He would have died, but at least he wouldn't have gone through all of this suffering.

I just know this...folks had better not keep ME alive with all of this new fangled technology when the obvious is lurking around to happen anyway.  And I ask that they keep me WARM on my way out with lots of blankets atop me, clean up to my neck, and not a toe uncovered.

I've spent the last ten years, to the tee, FULL TIME, in hospitals, caring for the last of our oldies.  Longer than that if we want to figure my precious  YOUNG David....

David hurt the worst.  Daddy is coming in second.

Going quick is a blessing, Jacky, family and all.  But, son, I guess you know this already by now...

I don't mean to sound like I'm so low that the morning sun won't be able to coax me up.  I WILL get up!  Too many life plans to keep me down.  Too much happening...I have no choice.

I just hate watching another rodeo, and feeling like it's probably never going to be my last.

Sept. 8, '08   Charlene's true Southern taste is kicking in.  I keep reminding her to plan SMALL.  (Especially for Brad's comfort).   She's doing good with that.  Jacky will be a major part of the wedding, footing the florist bill.  He has three'hundred something left in flowers that are already paid for.

The design is cheap, but them old Southern trees around are so REAL, a very part of Charlene's mama (that SHE planted).... that I just love to sit and FEEL her around me, no matter what the reason that I'm there.  I LOVE that woman sooooooo intensely!  She is a true mama....

Her spirit is always there in that house, and in the yard,  yet...the trees are becoming dangerous...because of the past drought.

Either way, I can't imagine a more Scarlett O'hara type wedding set  (however small and CASUAL, this day and time), happening there.

Nor a better person to put in charge of it than Angie's Aunt Charlene, and gr'aunt, awesome decorators.  She and her mama's sister...

I personally want everybody and their uncle there. It's just not affordable,....but could be managed...if Brad and Angie just want it more simple.

I'm surprised at that, congratulate them on that, actually thank them for that.

It shows that they have this starting level of maturity that is beyond flesh'mentality type level of maturity.....

When it happens?  When it's actually over?  I will sit under Charlene's mama's trees...(that SHE planted, God only knows the prayers that she literally lived in while planting them) and then I will continue to sing not only praises to you, God,  for this woman in my life, not only David too, but YOU, my son, Jacky.  You have sat beneath her trees.  Did you know that?

Of course, you were waiting for food to be served....>>food!

Love you, Apple!

I Love you!

God Deliver this message to Jacky.

Jacky,

You would love Brad. He loves a lot of the same things you do, he is  really motivated like you were, and he is a big ol' country boy also. Good man. Brad was driving down some road off cedar creek rd and turned in this church drive way that went a little ways behing the church, we got out and walked to this beautiful little spring where the water was so clear and he got on one knee and asked me to marry him. I felt so good. I knew you were and I pictured you looking down at us. That's  what  made me almost tear up. I love you Jacky, I Love You.

Sept. 5, '08

Papaw will aim back to the nursing home Monday, despite the nurse saying that no way can she see him leaving anytime soon.  Me either, since he was so seemingly bad off day before yesterday when I last saw him.  He was covered up to his chin after receiving more blood, telling me to just forget it....

I think that it is a medicare thing, since his hospital medicare is due to run out, and they know that he will probably be rushed back to the hospital kicking it back in all anew.  I just don't understand this insurance stuff.

I don't understand this miserable slow'death dying business either.  I'm going to make that my focus, seeking out scriptures on the oldies that died slowly.  I'm going to search King Solomon's death, King David...all of the prophets...  These will be a whole new ball'game of scripture to study and ponder on.  I don't want to simply understand a little bit in all areas of life, but I want to understand ALL in ALL areas of life.  God directs us to ask Him for wisdom, and he will sure be faithful to give it.  He does every time that I ask, in the areas that I ask, so I'm onto a whole new project other than the home project.

Not enough hours in the day in John's case, and not enough weekends in the week in my case.  Tomorrow will be spent floor tearing and table hunting.  Initially, John and Leroy would be here tearing out floors that will be laid Monday, while I'm out hunting tables.  Seems John has changed it a bit, thinking that I need him to help me look, so he and Leroy will go with me....tear out floors later in the day...

Well, he does have a point.  If I find what I want, I will need the truck handy.

But after about eighteen years together, he is really a control freak, and want to be sure that the seats are at least semi'comfortable.

I love you so much, Jacky.  Never a morning goes by that you aren't pondered in my morning prayers.