Jacky Ralph Amos

So many decisions with pa'paw.  Colon failing, surgery scheduled, but MAYBE NOT in the morning to remove the entire business of it,  (his entire colon).   Kidney's failing<<kidney doctor says that colon  surgery could put him on dialisis for the rest of his life, heart doc is a no'no with all of this....

 

I consented to colon removal.

 

I would like to UN'consent if I have time.  I simply consented so that I wouldn't have to watch him be in pain.

 

I knew/know that he won't make it either way.  I am simply signing a no'go or slow'go form.  Oh my heart!  I signed him into a slow'go situation!!

 

I signed it thinking that I was buying him time.

 

I now realize that I'm buying him nothing more than long term pain.

 

The signature is there already, unless the Heavenly Father intervenes and  reverses it.

 

We can think that we make the plans, but God has the ability to change those plans.  I pray that God change my plans according to HIS will on earth, as it is expected from me in heaven.

dear jacky i  missed you very much and i and my mom  missing you  very much  

 

 

 

                                       love 

                                                kiera

Remember when I put you on the river?  At least that is what you called it.  You literally did wind up on the river....

 

I cried and cried, but knew that I had to do it, tough love had become the only path...

 

You thanked me for so many years afterward for doing that.  It just became the big story of your life, telling others about it, actually BRAGGING to others about it once you finished feeling sorry for yourself over it....

 

You said that you would have never become the person that you are, if I hadn't taken action and did what I had done.  You said that you got a taste of REAL life, and the struggle to pull yourself out of your mindsets and negative and bad influences around you were all because I had practiced tough love.

 

I felt guilty for years, but for years up until your death you bragged on the fact so....thank you, son.  Thank you for that reminder.

 

I love you with all of my heart and would give anything and it's uncle to have you here with me now, coaching...saying what you would typically say...."Your problem is that you pamper the girls..."

 

I would give anything and it's uncle to have you here back with me, because...you have always been SUCH a help with pa'paw.  You matured so well, took over responsibility that you saw was overwhelming me.  You took him/us to doctors/procedures and what have you.

 

I pray that I be present with Pa'paw when he takes his last breath, because your spirit will physically be in the room, I just KNOW it.  But if I'm not, that is okay too, because at least Pa'paw will know it.  Docs made it clear to him today, Go home, you will absolutely die.

 

This has calmed him from so feebly begging to come home.

 

No matter what happens in life, or what paths we choose to take, my heart is with my family.  I will stand firm on God's word and direction of what God's word and leadership says to do about it.  I will follow his lead and not feel guilty.  This is why  I thank you so much...for being my son.  I know exactly what you would say about it too.  We've spent too many suppers together on a share of our feelings and thoughts.

 

I love you so MUCH!

 

Tomorrow for you.  Forever for me.

janice it will be okay do you know what your dad wants for real sometimes as a nurse i can say it is better if you tell the doc's only comfort measures that way it is up to god only him and your dad what happens the doc's can prolong things for along time when the out come will still be the same talk to your dad your family and above all as you tell me GOD ask for his guidance and comfort measures are just that a natural passing with out pain otherwise the doc's can keep him alive for month's maybe years but the outcome will still be the same just prolonged but the longer they sustain life the less dignity your father will have the more heartache you will endure be kind to your dad and yourself let the lord call the shots get an advanced directive signed between you and your dad the social worker will have one they will put him on hospice care and they will make sure he is cared for but has no pain at least talk to them and they will be with you every step of the way to have informed knowledge is the best at least know your options and you do have options my love thoughts and above all  my prayers are with you

Neighborhood cats have been caught...  Went before the judge this morning.  <<Them, not me.  (At least one of them.  The other was only fifteen.)  Work to do tomorrow, this end and there.  John here this end...

 

Wow!  It's hard to find willing help, but got to give that Robin credit!  She chirps, Daniel is always okay with it>>>and I've got myself a demolition crew!  Thank God for small calvaries.  It's just lattice that I want removed, but a job that I can't see myself doing alone.  Daddy would be mad, except that he doesnt know that he has been robbed (yet), so....we will try to be tender taking it down, and maybe put it back up later if he comes home.

 

I want it removed so that neighbors each side of him, (one side extended family), can help watch over his home.  He has good neighbors....  Baddddd rug'rats in the neighborhood, but good neighbors.