Jacky Ralph Amos

Please read the Justin Lesh memorial site under 'life story'.  PLEEEZE, you kids, heed the warning>>>>DON'T drink and drive.  Not even a LITTLE BIT.  Don't take even a tiny risk of robbing a mother of her child, or a child of it's parent, a sibling of a sibling,  or your family of your own lives.  Designate a friend, CALL SOMEBODY, call a cab and tell 'em to bring you here if you're broke...but be mature about it.  I'm about ready to join that MADD group.  A donation via my barn friend has already been made in Jacky's behalf.

DON'T brush my pleas off as some sort of grieving mother.  LISTEN!  If you've only had one, give it time to digest or whatever, but DON'T drive immediately afterward.  If you've had several, don't drive AT ALL, I don't care how sober you feel, or the short distance that you have to drive.  REMEMBER ME and my plea...  Remember JACKY....and have a heart>>>>for your mamas, your families, your kids<<<be mature about it and INCONVENIENCE SOMEBODY!  Don't let someone's family or your own have to arrive at a scene to be watched as you or their child be covered with a sheet, loaded into an ambulance without a siren blasting.  Don't let it be yourselves covered with a sheet, only to arrive at the hospital giving your loved ones no hope.  Have a heart.  If you drink, be mature about it>>>PLEASE!  Jacky would be here if someone had been mature.... 

I hear that the grieving process gets worse before it gets better.  And everyone grieves differently.  I'm not exactly sitting around spilling tears all day and feeling sorry for myself, but I am on a constant prayer,  bound and determined to open the ears of our youth, SHOUT into the ears of our youth>>>LISTEN!  Life can be fun and good without it being down'right stupid!  Life can be a party, feast and all, but that doesn't mean that party has to border on stupidity.  We can eat, drink and be merry in the simplicity of the Lord.  Look at Thanksgiving and Christmas here.  A shot of egg'nog....and bottles left unsealed to ruin.  And we had a good time enjoying each other's company to boot...simply sharing memories.

I reckon that was what Jacky was doing the night that he was killed.  He was eating, drinking and being merry>>>laughing about the days of his youth, wondering how he and they (his friends) made it without winding up in prison or dead...after all those so'called immature years of growing up...  And then one of the more "unlucky and immature" ones cuts him off, robs him of his accomplishments, robs us of his life.  I feel so sorry for that "immature" one.  Whether he has remorse or not is beside the point>>>I still feel sorry for him.  He'll live life out in prison, at least his best years, simply because of an immature moment. 

An immature moment.  We've all shared one plus a few.  We can't judge.  There is only one judge, and He is at the utmost of supreme court when it comes to Judgement Day.

But surely someone warned and worried over this child same as we've been worrid over and warned ourselves?  Same as we've warned and worried over our children.   Surely!  I sure hope so, because, if not>>>that's sad.  And whether he listened or not is even more sad.  Not more sad for him...but more sad for that father, mother, gr'mother, aunt....WHOMEVER may have pleaded with him to wise up.

Listen up, all you kids.  Don't hear me as a grieving mama.  HEAR me as a MADD mama.  I'm fixin' to go google this group, see what they are all about, because you youngsters really make me mad when you don't listen.  Please listen, and don't break myagain.

Pray for Glenda....I can't imagine where my conscience hurts worse, except with her, and the steps that I have to take, I feel forced to take.  I really try to drag things out via prayer, and so far have bought a couple days time for her.  I even apologise to God that I'm a zombie lately, managing to do nothing and getting wore out with it.  He put it into my spirit that I AM WORKING HARD, because I'm literally spending a lot of time in prayer...  Wow!  I am.  And so far, he has rescued me from what I hate to do most...  I do so hate to see the hurt in her eyes come Saturday, tho.  I hate to feel like I'm the one that's hurting her.  Pray that I have favor with her...that she can have the decisions.  (I don't want them, those decisions!)

This sort of situation (Glenda) is one that I have to question my blessings.  But I have peace (now) that I know that SHE is blessed for my empathy of sorts. God's empathy.  Tough situation....

I love you, Christina!  How could I not?  You grew up under my nose>>and in my hair!  I never dis'liked you, but I did disapprove of you AND Angie for a spell in your lives, because of that big ol' wild hair that I was determined to pluck!  I mean, you girls really caused me to feel latched to that hair and on a constant brake'skid that lasted forrrrr....a few years.  Okay, almost a decade.

I have many witnesses, here and in my barn, of how often I had prayed that you two and your lives be separated, only to later say watch out what you pray for, you'll surely get it>>where is Christina?  Please God, send me back Christina.  (I have that documented, dated....it is NO lie! Nothing said to sugar'coat.)  I even PRAYED that you would get pregnant>>anything to slow you girls down from looking at Saturday nights as some sort of mandatory party night.

I realized later, that like Tony and Jacky, you two watched each other's back.  And I began praying you back, afraid that no'one was out there to REALLY watch Angie's back.  Okay, so THEN you got pregnant.

You and Angie have both matured in many ways, and I guess that it took being apart for whatever reasons that you went your own separate ways>>but I guess that it took that "vacation" from each other to give you both time to...grow up.  You both now realize why we as mothers cling to you, worry over you, sit up on a dread of a phone'call, get mad if the phone call is a relief compared to the one of fatality sorts (hate that word)  that we were dreading to hear....  You are mothers now.  Growing up is hard to do, until you have a mother's heart.  It comes slow to some, quick for others, but indeed a mother will ALWAYS be in love with her child.  She might wish that she had shown it more'so later, than she did earlier...but fact is, she is and always has been very much in love with her child.  It's called a mother's heart.  It's going to sweat and hurt at some point and probably many points in her life.  Be prepared, and keep your conscience clear when it comes to your child.  It doesn't have to necessarily hurt because of death.

I was reading one of these memorials earlier, where a mother lost her child, and it said something like, "A wife that loses her husband is a widow, a husband that loses his wife is a widower, and a child that loses his parents is an orphan.  But there is no name for a parent that loses their child">>which means that it's a HARD stone to swallow.

You and Angie are now proud parents.  Instead of throwing stones, you two are maturing up and shinin' up the perfect stones that were gifted to you from above...

Family.  Now it's you two praying for us, (YOUR turns), your family, your mamas>>and of course your most perfect stones>>>>>>>>>>your children.

I don't know what your mama's problem/hurt is, but I sure will pray for her.  I sure will, girl!  Don't you let your mama down by squeakin' by on a mini'prayer.  Get on your knees and REALLY pray for her, same as she has for you, I'm sure.  Same as I have...for all of you kids.  We won't quit praying until it's all said and done.  When your mama gets up with a light in her eyes and has a new lease and LEASH on life.  You'll KNOW then, that God has literally lifted her up.

I'll never forget your kiss and that hug when you came flying in here.  You are precious.  Never forget it.  Now go and hug and kiss your mama, and tell her that she is precious...life is precious...let's all get up and live it to the teeee.  Let us all cast down the negative, which is hard if we're living it, but it is POSSIBLE.  All things are possible with God...

Phillippians 4:19

This morning before my alarm went off  I was dreaming. It was about you me & Tony we were at dinner I don't remeber what it was about . But i do know it seem soo real as if you where here with us . Than I woke up I caught myself  calling yourname in  my head it was so weird . That was all could think about all day!! We love you soo much!!

Jacky,

Well I really dont even know where to start. I've been wanting to write this for a while now, things are sometimes a little hectic with Logan running around or should I say crawling.... Did Angie ever give you the $20 for the bet that ya'll made about whether or not I was having a boy or a girl? You knew it was a boy you were set on it!

Well In case you didnt know by now Soo many people Loved you! You were defnitely ONE of a kind!  Ive been sitting here reading all the memories and letters everyone has written you and have just cried and cried. As I've sat here and read everything and looked at your pictures, I still cant believe your gone. I know we were never really that close but Angie was always like a sister to me so I always considered you like family to. I've lost touch with Angie and I hate it, but I guess thats just how things go sometimes. You just have to find your own way and eventually things will be back again. I love Haven too much just to let mine and Angies friendship be over.

But on a happier note how about some memories I have of you??? How about how you always made fun of Angies feet?...lol...we used to crack up about that. Or when you smashed pooor lil Havens face in her cake at her first Birthday??? And then you ended up getting Angie with it to...lol...You were always the one doing something!  Angie always told me so many stories about you, You were and still are her hero!

I have so many memories with you and your family in them I could go on and on.  I love them all especially your mom! I know at one time she didnt like me much, probably because me and Angie were getting into trouble together and being dumb teenagers. But the day I found out what happened to you I just wanted to be there for her and Angie. When I got to the house I went straight to where your mama was and just hugged her as tight as I could. I felt so bad for her I couldnt even begin to imagine what she was going through. I know I have a son now and he is my LIFE my EVERYTHING and I know how strong a mothers love is!

But on another note, My mom really needs a little help from up there. Things are starting to fall apart for her. Shes such a strong person but things are really starting to bring her down. I pray for her everyday so that she will be happy and things will come together and be better in the end. I know she has prayed and prayed for me and God's in my heart and he's making my life so much better for me and my son.

But its 2:30 in the morning I couldnt sleep earlier,but I think I'm going to go try and go back to bed now.

Love always.......Christina~

Something Tony said, that you two thought that you were invincible.

I thought that you were too...despite the fact that I constantly worried over you kids.

I don't want to be rich.  I don't want to be esteemed.  I don't care if I'm never remembered on into the future.  All that I want and have ever wanted is a FAMILY, and the togetherness of such.  All that I have ever wanted is maturity in that family, and a promise from them that I don't have to worry...that they have arrived at my expectations of maturity>>therefore, they will be forever safe, at least as best they can in their own growing maturity. (They can't help what other idiots do to them, yet God bless the idiots...)  After all, who of us can ever say that we've never been one?

Thank God that you, Jacky, kept me constantly reassured of such on your behalf, that you were waking up, and maturing...  I'm sorry, and forever will be, that you died at the silliness of another.  The immaturity of someone else.  I pray for that boy's family, mama, gr'ma>>WHOMEVER that end is shedding tears for him that end, and us, this end, because>>if it had been one of mine own flesh and blood, or one of your friends that we believed in, to have managed to so'called accidently caused a (murder) of someone's child after repeated warnings of DON'TS and DON'T EVERS....drive after drinking and feeling fairly good and fun'filled and able to do so at the moment...

Their pain has to be worse than mine, that family, mama, gr'ma>whoever is grieving over your (so called)  killer.  They have to not only suffer the consequences along with their child, but they have to suffer the guilt of my pain.  Least in their mind, they do.

If they/that such person is possibly reading>>please don't cry over me, and please don't continue to torture yourself with guilt.  I sure know your heart, know the pain that you're probably going through. 

I just want my children to know, get it>>>that I consider not only my children (okay, child now), but their cousins are my children, their friends are my children...and I plead with all of them to NOT drink and drive,  NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT, because....anything can happen.  They say that what you worry about most won't happen.  I don't know who THEY are, but it sure will>>cause the devil loves a good time too.  It will happen.  Warnings un'heeded?  They will happen.  Because the devil loves a good time too...

He sure does.  Don't he, Jacky?  I'm sorry that you were off guard with one of his good'timers.  But yet you were on'guard and prepared as one of your poems point out, that the persecutor meant it for bad...

That child that killed you isn't the persecutor, but Satan screwed up big time trying to rob the world of you!  You have been able to do more from where you are now, than where you sat here, battling simple silliness such as what got you killed.  I just selfishly wish that you could remain here and be simple as me, sitting here, playing with beans in the kitchen...

I love you, my boy!  I love you, apple of my eye.  Fruit of my spirit.  I love you!