Remember, I would always joke saying it’s ok Jacky, When you are poor and we are old, You can always come knocking on my mansion door and I will let you in to sleep. And vise versa you would say Whatever. =( Even though we was joking… I guess I will be the one coming to knock on your mansion door. I know you didn’t know or I didn’t even notice how much of an influence that you was on my life until I had no choice but to live without you here. You was a muscle man but a big ol baby inside. I hope you felt loved by everyone as much as you should of. I know if you was here now then you very much would know. People don’t realize these things until it’s too late. I love you. At least you never got fat and bald. At least you never had to miss You. At least you can feel no more pain. At least now you can really know and feel what you so much craved. At least you can help us all.
| Angie Amos |
| Mama |
Yes, it was a good one, Jacky, lasting almost until midnight. You have your daddy preaching and your uncle Shane pondering forgiveness for his own daddy. He wants to, but just can't quite cut it, so you pray for him.
Tracy made you the cutest Copenhagen ornament for your tree, in memory of your Copenhagen tattoo, using a fish'hook as the hanger. I know you would grin on that, knowing that hooks make me nervous. You finally convinced me to get Haven a real rod for her birthday, with real hooks, and I gave in. You never did get to take her. That was Haven's distress when you died>>she had nobody to take her fishing now.
Charlene bought you a Hope heart ornament representing St. Jude's children's hospital, because you were a regular yearly pledger of three'hundred'plus a year. We know that you did that in memory of David.
Jenny gave me a cross plak to hang with your plak. "Keep me as the apple of Your eye; Hide me under the shadow of your wings. Psalm 17:8" I almost cried, because the little sleeping angel puts me in mind of you, but more'so, she don't know how often I've prayed that my family abide under the shadow of the Almighty. (Thank you, Jenny). These momentos along with the ornaments truly have meaning behind each and every one of them.
Yes, you were on my mind Jacky, every second of every minute yesterday, thought of you behind every thing that I cook. EVERY day. I feel funny that I have to cut my meals totally in half, but will forever wonder if you would like this or that if I put my mind to trying something new. Your all'time favorite was meat'loaf, and EVERY single birthday you gave me the same'ol same'ol request: Meat'loaf, mashed potatos, fried okra, pinto beans and corn'bread. Year before last, I tried to switch it to a nice expensive steak, and altho you love steak too, you requested ahead of time this past April that you get your usual meat'loaf meal. You tried to get me to make that as often as we could stand to eat it, so....instead of burgers and dawgs this b'day celebration, it will be your typical request, the same ol' birthday meal. The menu is set. We will add hot'dogs for those that don't like meat'loaf. Like Angie. And Beto.
Your memory will never die with us, because as I wrote last night and couldn't get this thing to work, from your daddy down to our estranged Shane, your family are like the feathers of a once sudden busted pillow, gently falling back into place, being swept back together.
Happy New Year, son, there in your year of New Beginnings.
| jenny |
| Mama |
Jacky, I have spent this entire year waiting for the new one to come in. You know that. You know that I've been trying to learn the biblical numerical system, what each number represents in the spiritual realm. You know, because it's been one of the worse and yet most blessed years of my life, and I've been applying the months toward my prayer life, such as...the number six (which would be June means weariness of man, and the evils of Satan, and seven, (which would be July) is the milleinum, year of completion. This is what hit me, that I should be looking at years rather than months. And this is what excited me, that 2007 would be the year of completion. Yayyyyy! Bye, 2007! This about June.
I learned that eight was the year of New Beginnings. You know, (and Christy knows>>the only two that would ever listen to my spiritual prattle) that I couldn't wait for the year of NEW BEGINNINGS. I couldn't wait for this year to go out, and the next one come in.
But God is smart. If He had told me that you would end within this horrible>>yet BLESSED year of completion, and not be in the year of New Beginnings, then I would have put the brakes on a high skid myself and said>>>WHOA, Lord! I want off this boat! No way! Not my Jacky! Don't let me begin a'new year of new beginnings without himmmm!
But we can't mess with God's plan, can we? And I honestly do feel that this year of completion has been the biggest battle of cursings and blessings such as I've ever had to endure in my life. Via PRAYER, alongside with you, me coaching you and you coaching me. Just being here, listening...stirred your interest, caused you to dig deeper into the word. It stirred my interest too, made me dig all the deeper. Your interest excited me all the more, and I was/am so proud of you! I'm still digging, son>>I promise! You beat me to the throne. Evidently you were a few steps ahead of me in understanding, or else how could you write that you would be willing to die, that you might live real? In my mind, living real was living on a roller coaster and praying HARD for your family to make it, not only in this life in a stable manner of sorts, obeying simple ten commandments, but>>>actually make it to God's throne.
I've been going over my notes tonight, and in many places it's "tell Jacky this" or "ask Jacky that... I miss our daily conversations of the scriptures, especially the books of Genesis and Job...
Ahhhh, my notes: Tell Jacky this, tell him that... number 40 is probation, 5 is grace, 38 means slavery....153 is fruit bearing.... Tell Jacky that Job DID have the holy spirit there with him there in that final conversation, God himself, and not simply an angel. Or was it you that told me this?
Either way, we both now that it was God, and not an angel, so....
Well, at least you did smile at my excitement of new beginnings.
I have no choice but to begin a'new here without you, physically. But, I choose not to be sad. After all, you are beginning a new living life real. Really real.
I just hope that 2008 can....at least be semi'real here on earth. I don't want to suffer another year like 2007 here on earth>>not mentally, not emotionally, and not spiritually. But then again, I know that I am blanketed within the holy spirit, and can survive....and...we can't change God's plans. He will keep me as strong as I need to be, and>>I'm honestly happy in spirit, despite it all. I praise him for it!
I love you, Jacky. Enjoy your new beginnings.
| Mama |
Your favorite, New Years>>collards, black'eyed peas, corn bread and some sort of roast. All are welcome, 2'ish onward. I'm pondering doing a leg of lamb on the grill if Shane will help me. Memory balloons again, and this time we will attach the string and notes instead of simply writing on the balloons. I think that I will buy two helium kits, and with the second kit we will attach many notes instead of single notes, doing balloon boquets of sorts. They'll probably travel farther.
See, son? You're sooooo loved! And....even in Heaven, you can still be so fun!