Jacky Ralph Amos

What HAPPENED?  Jacky, the past several weeks before your death...right down to just about the day.

Your words will never be erased from my mind.. 

You are/was so young.  I would have thought that it would be me before you, naturally.

But your words/mind'set was so caring, as you did your Amos'brag and teased , me not to "wish" you to die young....  I wonder if you knew something that I didn't know...

I know that you wanted Angie to get down to earth, and dig her fingers>>DIGGG her fingers, into not only what she considered true soil, but what God considers true soil...  What is that, Jacky?  What does God consider true soil?  Well...I dunno.  (Do I? Just recall you teasing me about what you've left me>>>to continue your own plant with.

Bottom line, you were  excited about what YOU were doing for your own future. 

I Christmas shopped today, and for the first time in years, enjoyed it.  I found it incredible that I actually wanted to get out and Christmas shop, because I'm like you, Jacky>>>always have hated it.  Like you, I was turned off at the great expectations of a gift, and did the gift have enough meaning and dollar push behind it to satisfy whomever received it.

I also went plundering my barn mail tonight, as usual, (every'night>>can go years back)  in hopes of recovering daily journal entrances and memories of you.  One such stands out, as I had written about Haven's birthday party, written just shy of a month of  your death.  David was the focus of my writing, as his death impacted me, you, his mama...the entire family.  Not a family get'together happens that I've not had David on my mind, nor stood back from the events to try to visualize a place for him, where he would be now(all of us)...and on and on.  This written Sept 22, 07, not realizing that a month later, you would be dead and buried.  You always thought of David too.  And you, son, will see that David's picture finally gets to be put onto his stone.  It was your plan...you just always wished that you could put it into action, wished that you could afford to.  You also desired for him to have the picture thingie such as the funeral home has now.  Well, now you can see to it all.  You'll bless his mama...  David has more than enough blessings without you!  It's us pitiful ones here that are grasping for straws of life.

Sept 22, 1907:  On a mention of David's death...(regarding Haven's b'day party)

"But life happens, experiences happen, and despite it all, we can CHOOSE to be happy and make a go of it all, and the best of it.

I HAD to stand back and stare at ALL of these people.  The past, the present and the future.  (Semi'strangers at my baby's party).  And honestly felt a thrill to my heart that they were today's tomorrows.  And we were going to be their memories.

...the entire time that I was enjoying myself and looking at each and everyone and recalling the good times...the hard times...the sad times...the mad times...(how we've REALLY SWAM through)....the (always now) real times...I was stepping back into time, as if looking into a mirror, from then until now.  And can accept ageing gracefully, of sorts.

....I told Tracy today, that when I get time to sit down, I'm going to write a book titled, 'The Faces In The Mirror'."

That was written a month before you died, Jacky.  What an impact my own words often have on me.  I have to humbly say that it was easier on that date, being on the outside looking in to what Charlene's pain as a mother minus her son at family gatherings can have on>>a mother.  But now...one month after that writing...I'M the mother.

I thank God for his grace, for his promise of peace beyond belief, and for his gift of ageing gracefully.  When at the hospital, waiting to hear the final results...were you dead, or not, or what....?  I asked John to call Charlene.  She would be able to know, and hold my hand.  See...she is a mother that has mastered ageing...gracefully.

I love you, Jacky!  Kiss David for me.  I love him soooo much too, and he knows it.

I think that it's intriguing to ponder the moon.  It' s just another dimension of God's awesome world.  Man has visited there, and no matter how hard we strained to see from here, we couldn't!  But we knew he was there, via radio, cameras and other some'such'whatever technology that we have.

Oh, Jacky! You are in the ultimate dimension of God's world, Heaven, and He don't allow cameras and microphones, does he?  I reckon that would be because there is no pain in heaven, and us here on earth would be bawling to the sound of your voice.  The tease in your voice.  Your smile is probably even more pearly white than before.  But our cries to show yourself at hearing your voice would bring sadness to heaven, and....there is no such thing there, at least not for the ones that we yearn for...  You've earned your stay, and God wouldn't allow any one of us to bring you sorrow at knowing just how much we sooooo miss you.

And I'm glad for that, glad that we do indeed have peace that God probably and can but honestly give you messages of, but so kindly keeps the occasional moment of sadness, a tear'drop to simply be shared amongst ourselves.  I don't think that he would allow your happy spirit to be disturbed with such selfish silly tears that we shed down here.  After all, who are we really crying for?  Yes, ourselves...for being minus you. 

After that moment, (just a moment), of selfishness of a tear, and back to being strengthened in God's word, that being absent from the body is to be present with the Lord....once we leave this body, we are instantly restored to the father....After a dry of that tiny rolling drop of a tear and our smile restored....I think that God smiles too, and allows you a sneak'peek, again, of how we are drawing even more close to him.  I also know that tear can't be dried without his Word, and this is where HE is honored, that we are seeking Him through his word.  This is why God smiles too, because we don't give up, we give in, and search his word.  Seek his wisdom.  And when he smiles, the peace flows through us, and out...up...to you, heaven'ward.  Our praise is a part of the sweet music that you are listening to now, that we are pleasing God with now.  We are pleasing God, because we trust him.  Our praises are a pleasant incense...pleasing to God.

The moon is intriguing.  Heaven is much more intriguing.  God's technology, the Holy Spirit, is much more sophisticated.   I can stand here and not see beyond the clouds, the great dome of a sky, heavely divider...but His spirit is strong, and I don't need any cameras or microphones to know that you are there, and transmissions are perfect, and without fail.

I love you.

I might sheepishly add that this will be at Parnick Funeral home!

I love you, Jacky!  Are you laffin' with me?

Yoe mama!

There will be a special holiday memorial service for all that have died this year, Jacky included, and a special bow hung for each from the tree.  There will be a service in the chapel, helps to deal with grief, and refreshments.  I need to know how many guests plan to attend on behalf of Jacky, so please try to inform me within the next several days, so that I can inform them, so that they can better cater to the flow. 

This isn't only Jacky's memorial....   So many others have lost super'loved ones too!

Thanks.

(I love you, Jacky!)